Blog Week 23 – Retrospecticus

MKMMA brought us so much wonderful information and it was up to us to do the work on ourselves. What I discovered for myself after these six-months is:

That I have great ideas and now I have the confidence to act on those ideas.  My whole life I was always afraid and now it’s A-MAZ-ING: I do not have that fear anymore!

I also discovered HOW to create my life and the magic formula is: persistence and practice, persistently practicing, and practice persistently.  Professional athletes still practice persistently every day to be at their best.  Professional dancers are persistently practicing to get those movements down perfectly.  We need to persistently practice tuning into ourselves and finding our bliss.  We have to practice ‘happiness’ persistently and allow the universe to work through us.  You practice being in the best receptive mode you can be and persistently know life is unfolding perfectly.

We have to find our happiness in who we are now and where we are now, because dreams will come and go, and goals will be reached, but it’s never over.  If your happiness is based on:  the deal closing, the better job, or getting the bigger house; when you reach those things there will always be: a bigger deal, a better job, and a bigger house.  That’s not to say, don’t go after those – they are the trophies to collect as your rewards, but don’t make it about the trophies; its all about the journey and feeling good is the work.

Know that we are not in a race or competition with one another.  I can’t compare myself to anyone because I am not them; my experiences are my alone, as yours are yours.  We are all brothers and sisters; we are not each other’s clones.  But just because we are on individual paths, it doesn’t mean we are alone.  We are all in this together; and when we rescue ourselves, we rescue many.  When we find our joy, we lift the hearts of many.  When we reach our dreams, we inspire others to reach theirs.

Be the observer of yourself and watch yourself learn. Every second of every minute of every hour of every day we are creating our very existence.  If you want more – persistently practice giving more. You want more kindness in your life – practice being more kind.  You want more joy in your life – practice laughing at yourself more.

Celebrate your successes and your failures, because everything is experience to behold.  Allow yourself to do the things you love.  It may take time to get from where you are to where you want to be, but every inkling in the direction of your dreams counts.  Every time you listen to your heart, you develop the interconnection with yourself.  Every time you look for the silver lining, more silver linings will come.  Every moment of bliss you feel will bring more feelings of bliss.

One of the last lessons I ‘got’ from class is based on what Einstein said, “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”  And what I realized is: it’s the same belief; just two sides of the same coin.  It takes the same amount of energy to believe nothing is a miracle as it does to believe everything in the miracle.  Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t – you are right.”  It’s the same belief to think you can’t do something as to think that you can.  You just have to choose heads or tails. Which side do you want to bet on?

I choose to bet on myself.  I choose to believe I am a miracle. I choose to know I am in alignment with the joyful life. I persistently practice to bask in the deliciousness of this moment. I am allowing myself to breathe deeply. I am allowing myself to feel light.   I allow myself to delight in beautiful melodies. I take time to appreciate the dawn. I take time to practice feeling twirly.   I hold my own keys to my happiness.  I live in the natural flow of life.  I know that everything is as it should be.  I know everything is always working out for me.


Life is in the laughter.

Growth is in the pain.

Joy is in each moment.

Hope is dancing in the rain.

Harmony is in the silence.

Love is in the eyes.

Following your heart is happiness.

Fulfillment is being the miracle of our own lives.

Week 22A – Reflecting in the Moment

Letting myself be ‘all that I am’ means embracing all that I am.  We all have light and dark in us; we all have good and bad.  Knowing yourself is knowing when to let the badass out to play and when to let your soft light shine.

This human experience is like being in the trenches – it’s dirty, it’s gritty, and stinky – and sometimes you need to be a little hard to get through whatever obstacles get in your way.  But you can’t always be hard, for then your life will be hard.  You can’t always be soft otherwise you could get trampled and walked over.

Being in alignment with your highest and best self doesn’t mean always being nice.  Most of us are living regular lives: going to work, sitting in traffic, doing dishes. We all think that the grass will be greener “once we get: the job; the girl; the money; the body.”  But in the meantime, life is happening.

Life is constantly moving, changing, adjusting.  Are we?  Am I moving with the current or am I a rock in the stream holding onto something I think will make me happy – an idea that’s not mine; an image of someone else’s vision?  Whose life am I living?  How did I get here?

More importantly – the question to ask yourself now is – “How can I get to where I want to go?”  No one can hold you where you don’t want to be; you are there because you’re holding yourself there.  You have to be the one who lets go.  The stream will take you where you want to be, but you have to allow it and yourself flow.

You won’t be the same person you are now.  You have to let that person go.  You have to know who you want to be and where you want to go. The stream will take you wherever you tell it.  It’s best to let your heart decide; it knows the way.  It knows what you hold deep in your soul.  The treasured secret you hold is the key to your success; it’s the key to your enlightenment.  You need to be brave, you need to be strong, but you also need to be loving and tender.  You need your feminine and masculine; you need your light and your dark side.

When you embrace all facets of your persona you will realize that you have no end; no edges; no limitations.  A being beyond anything you can fathom.  Creation is your gift; it is your talent.  You can move mountains.  Feel the power in the faith of a mustard seed.  See time in a grain of sand.  Joy and joyousness are the key factors; take joy in everything you do.  Feel proud of your accomplishments.  Take pride in your work.  Enjoy every day.  Develop your connection to your source.  You can do no wrong.

It’s about experiencing tactile life:  Blessing all you do.  Loving all you can.  Finding things that you like to do.  Sharing in the sacred space of life.  Being moved to tears.  Filling up with peace, love, and joy.  Knowing that you are worthy – knowing that your desires are yours to have and you deserve all the best things in life.  Having fun with all this.  Playing in the journey. Delighting in the stream.

Finding peace, love, and joy:

Peace – knowing that all is good and being taking care of.  Knowing you are protected by Divine Love.  Knowing you can be, do, and have all that you want.  Knowing that you are supported, guided, and carried.  Knowing that you are never alone and you shall not want for anything.

Love – blessed be the children of the most high God.  All are but pieces of the One.  Everything is connected.  Everything is “All that is” and “All that is” is everything and everyone.  Blessed be the neighbor, brother, sister, mother, father, and friend.  Blessed be the man in the moon and the stranger on the street.  Blessed be all that share in this time space and walk beside you.  Blessed are the critters, the leaves, the air, and atoms.  Blessed are the particles of light that hold it all together and permeate throughout. Blessed be the breath we take and the air that fills our lungs.  Blessed be the life we take in and the things we breathe life into.

Joy – joy is knowing that this is fun.  Having fun playing with the butterflies.  Having fun frolicking in the oceans, lakes, and streams.  Having fun delighting in the sun’s warmth and staring at the twinkling stars.  Let joy fill your heart with laughter and know that everything is for fun – for the sheer pleasure of the experience.  For the wonderment.  Be the observer and delightfully watch the grace of existence.  Watch the ebb and flow.  Watch the bees do their job to make fields flowers for us to behold.  Why else would there be flowers – they are there for our pleasure – to witness, to smell, to lose ourselves in.  Take joy in noticing the beauty that surrounds you – in the swirl of the galaxy; in the swirl of a sunflower; in the swirl of an ice cream cone.

This moment is all we have. It is our gift from our Creator – it is our present.


Week 22 – A Poem

I stand on the edge of a great precipice.

I anticipate the change.

I can feel it coming.

It’s cascading in the corner of space.

I want to be a part of it.

But I stand a part from it.

Do I have the strength and courage to do what I desire?

What is the part that I am to play?


I stand on the precipice.

I can hear change calling my name.

I hold my breath.

Am I too afraid or am I just stubborn?

How do I shed the years of the past?

How do I hold the future?

There is no time like the present.

There is no time at all,

Only thoughts of it.


If I go down the rabbit hole, will I ever come back?

If I follow my heart, where does that leave my head?

Do I have the energy to be different than I am?

I am tired of being torn.

The life I want seems a lifetime away.

The life I have seems to be someone else’s.

How to bridge the gap?

How to take flight and not look down?


I stand of the edge of change.

I can see the change happening.

Like a wave cresting.

Will we all be crushed by its power?

I want to ride the wave.

I want to stand on top of it.

I want to be set free.


I stand on the precipice of change.

Its power is what people fear.

It’s not bad but it is strong and no one knows how to handle it.

We have a few warriors, and a few wisemen.

But they are being drowned out

By those who use the fear for their own power.

They try to scare us more.

The people listen.


I know what they say is wrong,

But even I get sucked into their lies.

I feel strapped down.

I have so many to carry,

and I am so new to this.


I stand on the edge of the precipice.

I feel I am a part of the change,

Yet I can’t quite make it.

I have no energy left.

I am still stuck at the bottom.

Who can I trust?

Is there anyone who can help me?


I can feel the change coming.

I am thrilled and excited.

But my excitement only makes me tired.

I struggle within myself.

How to throw it all to the wind,

When it feels like boulders.


I stand on the edge.

I can see those who made it before me.

I want to follow their lead,

but I feel so far behind.

Do I have anything to offer?

I look over the edge,

I breathe it all in.

How far is it?


I feel so heavy.

I’ll never it make it across.

Am I to be left behind?

What is this that holds me down?

What shackles me?

Are there weights on my ankles?


I stand on the edge.

I am ready to fly.

I am not afraid.

It is time.

I have plenty of time.


I feel the winds of change.

They tousle my hair.

I know that I am still resistant.

Why am I still resistant?


I want to take flight.

I want to soar.


I look out over the edge.

My stomach flutters.

In front of me, the others that made it

are happy, laughing, and free.

Behind me, the ones not ready

are sad, scared, and miserable.

They are worn down and down trodden.


I stand on the precipice,

and kick off my shoes.

I stretch out my arms.

The wind blows at my back.

I am willing to flow with the winds,

but I don’t know how.

Is the wind strong enough to lift me,

or will I plummet?

The heart is willing but the body is solid.

The head doubts I can fly.

I feel dizzy and weak.


I stand on the edge of change.

I don’t want to go back.

I want to go forward.

My feet are starting to take root into the ground.

I struggle to pull them free.


An eagle soars overhead,

and calls out to me.

I can only imagine falling.

It is this doubt and fear that holds me down.

I see the clear blue sky.

I smell the clean fresh air.

I want to take the giant leap over the edge

and soar into the clouds,

but I can only think about the fall.


I stand at the precipice.

I see the others on the other side,

so happy and blissful.

How do you cross over when you feel like

there’s still obligations on this side?

I feel I should go back

and help those behind.

But I know the best thing to do

would be to show them I can fly and they can too.


I stand at the precipice of change.

And I am scared.

Of what, I do not know.

How can you be scared of freedom, peace and joy?

I try to get a running start.

My doubts and fears create roots and vines that ensnare me.

I lose my balance and my nerve.

I tumble to the ground.


I sit at the edge of the precipice.

I am wounded and dirty from my fall.

I know that I don’t want to give up.

I am too scare to try again.

I dangle my feet over the side.

I close my eyes.


I sit on the edge of a great precipice.

I anticipate the change.

I can feel it coming.

I want to be a part of it.

Week 21 – And the Walls Come Tumbling Down

This has been a fun and amazing week!  I have realized that my feelings of unworthiness, which have debilitated me most of my life, have stemmed from me trying to ‘live someone else’s life.’  And as I look back (as the observer) that makes no sense – LOL!  But I had put the cart before the horse and I had been living within the confines of other people’s limitations.  I have big dreams and big goals and a fabulously fun life of travel and adventure ahead of me; and now I am embracing IT and ALL of me!

I feel elated and twirly.  I feel creative and fun.  I feel connected and joyous.  I feel like I have just strapped into the roller coaster seat and I’m no longer just standing in line.  The butterflies of anticipation are fluttering rampant in my belly and we’re just about ready to take off.  Here we go – lets enjoy the ride!

I always had a five year plan, but it stayed at 5 years even though 10 years have passed.   But now, my horse is pulling the cart, I’m all hitched up, and I’m heading the right direction.  I still have my 5 year plan, and now it includes focusing on my PPN’s, which are Spiritual Growth and True Health, and the baby steps necessary to get there.  More importantly, I know that I’m in alignment with my highest and best self, I am focused on feeling good, and I know that I am worthy of the life I desire.

By working on smashing through my abundance blocks I feel like the flood gates have been opened.  I feel the abundance rushing in.  It feels like a domino effect, but even bigger than that – it feels like a tidal wave has just washed away stone block walls that kept me bound.  I feel more open and connected. And it’s not just me – hubby is feeling it too!  And we feel even more in-sync (didn’t think that was possible) and even more in-love (really didn’t think that was possible!) and more open and more receptive!  We are having fun creating our space, planning vacations, and preparing for our move to Scotland!

And I may not reach my goals in 5 years, or ever, but at least I’m going to stay true to all of me, dream as big as I can, and enjoy every step of the way, living a life of “Tranquil Luxury” with my beloved husband by my side, doing what we love!

I am living my highest and best life.  I wonder how far I can go.  I am unlimited.


Week 20 – Knocking down Abundance Blocks

Christie Marie Sheldon is an energy intuitive that focuses on abundance and abundance blocks.  This week I used one of her mediations I found on Youtube that helps you get to the root cause of how you feel about money and abundance and where and when those roots were planted.

As Christie Marie guides you through a meditation, she takes you back to your first impressions about money, and what feelings your parents had about it.  My blocks were pretty interesting. I felt my mother was frugal with money, things were tight; but she made it a game.  If it didn’t fit in the budget she would simple say “oh, we don’t need that.” She liked to see how far she could stretch her dollar and she still is like this, so it wasn’t too much of a surprise to me. I did find it curious though that I stored this energy in my throat.

Next we went on to my father’s feelings.  In a mediation I had done at a different time, I discovered that when I came along, dad was scared about not having enough money for me.  I later confirmed that with my brother.  This time I was sort of expecting to feel that. Instead what I felt was that dad’s feelings were that the only way to get money was to ‘lie, cheat, and steal’.  (While he was growing up his family was always moving out in the middle of the night to avoid being evicted.) He did a real estate during my youth –  also known as a ‘real esnake’.

So, we have mom always saying “oh, you don’t need that” (which is admittedly better than ‘we can’t afford that’) however it played out in my life as “Oh I don’t need what I want.”  Then you pair that with dad and my abundance root is labeled:  ‘There’s not enough money for me to get what I want.’  Add to that low self-esteem, guilt, and shame making the feeling of my abundance block: “I’m a bad person and don’t deserve what I want.”

What’s been remarkable about MK is that I’ve become more of the observer of myself and I am able to see all of these blocks and I’m having fun realizing them and working on smashing them.

I have been working on my ‘Zen Office’ since we starting MK, but had intentions to work on it for many months before that. I was proud of myself for even designating a room for myself and filling it with all the things that are me.  But like “me” I keep burying it under a bunch of junk and keep saying “I’ll get to it later.”  Last week (read Week 19 blog) I encouraged hubby to hang his posters and create his office filled with all the things that are him.  We did those pictures for a couple hundred bucks, and that started him on pictures for the other wall which was another hundred.  Then I innocently mentioned a faux guitar that I saw at Hobby Lobby for $35 bucks, which I thought was waaaay too expensive for a tin guitar but he used to play back in the day at the Whisky-Ago-Go in LA, so I thought it would have been an homage and cute accent piece.  Well, Mr. No Blocks is now bidding on a $400 guitar on ebay while I’m doing my best MacGyver impersonation making furniture out of old rubber bands, used socks, and toilet paper tubes wondering why I’m not getting the tranquil spa feeling I’m searching for! LOL (And for the record, he has always, always, encouraged and pushed me to get what I want so it’s not about that at all – what it’s about is me not feeling like I deserve what I want.)  This is fun, now I can see how blocked I’ve been and how I got there.  And I see him so excited about something so we’ve opened one of his blocks as well!

How exciting and fascinating to see my DMP coming to fruition and my walls dissolving! We’ve had always talked about moving to Scotland, which is on my DMP, and now we’ve decided that we are going to move in 2 years. With 2 people working towards the same goal, I know we’ll be there in no time! So besides my current job being nowhere near what I want to be doing; at least I can feel the tide changing, my icebergs are moving in the right direction, and my abundance blocks are dissipating.

Here is the link to Christie Marie Sheldon’s meditation if you are interested in learning more about your abundance blocks.


Week 19 – To Be or Not to Be

I was with a friend the other day and she was explaining an issue she and her boyfriend were experiencing.  I shared, speaking from almost 17 years of marriage and getting married at the relatively early age of 23, that I think communication is what is needed in a successful relationship.  But it’s not the communication we’ve all heard about where you’re told to share your feelings, which usually goes something like: “You make me sad, you need to change”.  Then, they say you have to make it personal, use “I”.  “Okay I can’t stand you.  I need you to change.”  And that doesn’t just go for romantic relationships but all of our interactions with friends, bosses, people in the grocery store, and people in traffic – “I need you to change in order for me to be happy.”

But it’s not like that at all.  You are the only variable in your life – you are the only thing that you can change.  “Oh, so I have to change? I have to give up who I am?  I have to become something I’m not?”  Well no, but if your happiness is dependent upon other people changing, then you’re in trouble.  You do need to realize that you’re going to get back from the universe an exact reflection of what you’re putting out there, so if you don’t like what’s coming back to you, then maybe you need not to be so rigid about changing. Nevertheless it’s not just about changing; it’s about discovering who you are, why you are the way you are, why you feel the way you feel, and then being able to share that with people, especially in romantic relationships.  The communication I’m speaking of is more like: “Woo hoo, I discovered I have a wall!  Will you help me climb it, knock it down, and watch it dissipate together?”

I always like to say when you’re with the right person, you have half the problems and twice the joy.  The right partner is strong when you feel weak.  The right partner is extra shoulders to share the load; additional hands for applauding accomplishments; and more arms to embrace life.  The right relationship is a beautiful dance, I stepped back, you step forward; I step right, you step left, we are side by side, step by step, we accentuate each other’s strengths and we bridge each other’s weaknesses.

It’s about compromise but not in the way compromise has become to be known.  It’s about working together to make sure each one of you gets what they want.  For example, my husband has hair metal band posters.  Previously he shared we me that when he was young his mother would come in his room and tear down all of his posters, even if they were on the back of his door or were hidden inside the closet.  And so I had these huge 3’ x 3’ frames that I thought were really cool, but I didn’t know exactly what I wanted to do, and then it occurred to me, he just bought some new posters that are curled up in a tube in the closet.  While they’re not necessarily my taste, I want him to feel he is king of his castle, and I want him to encourage him to have what he wants.  So we had them professionally matted and backed, and we hung them in the frames.  Now I get to see my cool frames and he gets to see his posters.  (After he hung them up on the wall, he gave me a “f**k yeah!” which of course made my heart sing.)  Added bonus, I get to see that twinkle in his eye and a childlike grin and he can feel validation of his tastes and interests.  Of course, I’m sure if you ask him, he’ll tell you that it’s not as deep as all that; and I didn’t plan to make this whole big experience happen and discuss it as a profound life altering event. It went more like: “Hey, let’s use those frames for your posters.”  “Cool.”  Still though it is fun to watch how the process unfolded as it is because of our mutual love and respect for each other.  When you love someone and hear what they tell you, and something like this happens, I know that twinkle in his eye is much deeper than just posters on the wall.

And I can see how MKMMA is doing that for each of us taking this course.  Mark J, Davene, and the rest of the team, always say ‘Just love man;’ ‘We send you love’.  And that is what they are offering us – unconditional love to find our dreams.  They don’t judge our dreams.  They are just offering us a shoulder to cry on, extra legs to stand on, extra hands for applying ourselves, and a kick in the bum if we need that too, “It’s time to put on our big boy and girl pants.”  They are putting their hearts and souls into helping us find our dreams and goals, and then showing us practical applications for getting from here to there.  And they’re not just talking the talk – they’re walking the walk right with us.  They have attained some dreams, and have included us in their future goals using the same steps/techniques that we are using.  They are doing it right with us, not just teaching it to us.

Because of this course I have witnessed a lot of my invisible walls disappear-

Turns out I was a little more stubborn than I thought.  Turns out I have a lot more courage than I thought.  Turns out it feels good to share my dreams.  Turns out big goals are easily done when you take small baby steps.  It turns out, I have a bigger support system than I ever imagined, (with those of you reading this – thank you).

And as it turned out there is really only one decision we have to make, and that is “To Be Happy or Not To Be Happy.”  Once we choose to be happy – with who we are right now; with where we are right now; and with everything we have right now; then fulfilling our dreams becomes just icing on the cake.